Dear Amazing Women, it's your time to shine!

Dear Amazing Women

I wasn’t sure how to go about writing this article.  Do I write about it from my own perspective, focusing on my own experiences and struggles with giving myself permission shine: To be fabulous, talented and beautiful?  But in doing that I may bore you or come across as being a victim, of which I am not.  So, I just decided to share with you my thoughts and feelings on the subject of giving yourself permission to be the best possible version of yourself.  But, what I share is inspired by my own, personal experience and influenced by the fact that we have International Women's Day coming up on March 8th 2013.  

Photo courtest of F.C. Photography at Flickr

"You are looking fabulous!" "You are so talented." "You are beautiful."

Isn't it great when you receive such lovely compliments all about you?  In that moment the spotlight is on you, for all the right reasons, giving you the confidence to let the light shine on you.  Suddenly you have a spring in your step, you feel happier, energised and confident in yourself.  Wouldn't it be nice to feel like that all of the time, rather than waiting for others to give you permission to shine under the spotlight? 

Of course it would.  But sadly so many women (and men) do not give themselves permission to shine.  They may know that they are fabulous, talented and beautiful but sharing this with the world feels like an impossible task.  Why?  Well, it's not seen as the 'done thing' to do.  Other people may take offence at you putting forward the best possible version of you.  "Who do you think you are?" "You think you are so beautiful but you're not even all that" "She's talentless. My dog could sing better than her." 

Sadly there are people who take offence at you being the best possible version of you. Not because you are not fabulous, talented and beautiful.  But because they do not feel that they are fabulous, talented or beautiful.  Therefore, they seem to put you down in the hope that you will stop shining your light, so that you don't become the best possible version of you. 

Some of you may take this as inspiration to shine brighter, therefore inspiring those watching by the sidelines to do the same. Others of you may choose to hide your light or turn it out completely. The fear of retribution (verbal put downs, abuse, being out-casted, laughed out) becomes stronger than your natural desire to share the real you with those that you meet.  But whose fear are you carrying? Is it yours or that of the people who object to you shining your light? 

In truth we were all made to shine.  Each and every one of us was made to be beautiful, amazing, talented...... and so the list goes on.  As children we embrace all of the great things about ourselves: The little girl who likes to play dress up and sings in her bedroom because one day she will be a star.  That little princess who loses herself in an adventure story, aspiring to one day write her own adventure tale.  Neither of these little women sought permission to be themselves.  Nor did they feel embarrassed or ashamed about the things they did, thought and said.  They are happy to just be themselves, shining their light of authenticity for everyone to see. Surely this is how we should all be. 

You don't need to wait for somebody to give you the permission to shine your light of fabulosity, amazing-ness, beauty, talent.....  You are the only person who gives you permission to shine.  And in the event that someone should object to you shining your light of authenticity know that this is there issue not yours.   It is not for you to carry their fear, shame or embarrassment.  Your role is to keep shining your light and being the best possible version of you.  In doing so you will grow, attracting people and opportunities that nurture and challenge you in your journey to become the woman that you were created to be.  For every person that you offend there will many more people that you inspire to shine their light of authenticity. 

My message to you is simple: shine your light of authenticity. Tell yourself: "I am fabulous" "I am talented" "I am beautiful": Just be the best possible version of you. For years of playing down my own intelligence, fabulosity and beauty in the presence of others, I know that it only sort to make me feel insecure, indecisive and in a whirl of aiming too low.  In giving myself permission to shine as the real me I support other women to do the same.  So in preparation for International Women’s Day we should shine our light of authenticity and be the best possible version of ourselves. In fact don’t wait until then, just do it right now!  In this moment give yourself permission to shine and to be the best possible version of YOU!

With lots of love, light & sparkles

Chanel -xxx-

If you would like to share your stories of times when shining your light inspired another person then please do so in the comment box below or send me a private message by clicking here.  Equally, if you would like guidance in this area then I am more than happy to share with you how I gave myself permission to shine and be the best possible version of me.  Remember that I am not rich, famous or any better than anyone else so if I can do it, YOU can too.  Thank you for your time and I look forward to connecting with you.  

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Love: Are you motivated by fear and led by your ego?

Let’s face it sometimes the world of love and relationships can be a total nightmare.  Where you find yourself going from one relationship drama to another, attracting the same kind of man dressed up in a different outfit.  Whilst everyone around you is getting it right, getting married and having babies you are left trying to work out where the hell that you are going wrong.  You spend your days pondering on what went wrong in the previous relationship and your nights with your girlfriends berating and blaming your ex.  However, much of the time the drama lies within and it is only by going within that you get to the heart of the problem.  In essence you have to be the person that you want to attract.

You see much of the time when you are seeking love it can be executed with an air of desperation, as you bow down to the pressure to settle down before your biological clocking stops ticking.  It can also become annoying and embarrassing to always be the bridesmaid but never the bride.  All of these scenarios and others like them can instil a fear within you: A fear that often becomes your main motivator in love.  The problem with this is that the fear leads you to look for love in all the wrong places; attracting men just like your ex or men that are not ready to commit. All of these things are symptoms of being led by fear and the ego, rather than by being led by love and your authentic self. 

Learning to identify whether or not you are being motivated by fear and led by the ego in love and relationships is key to attracting the love you desire into your life.  So, let’s identify and demystify some of those illusions that our ego tends to feed us whilst we are navigating our way along the pathway of love…….

Looking for someone special

Er, hello you have already met someone special.  You are special. 

So, often in love we put the other person on a pedastool.  In fact when you say that you are searching for someone special you are putting that person on a pedestal before you have even met them.  This not only puts you under a lot of pressure but also the other person who has to live up to their “special” label.  Hardly fair is it? 

The truth is there is no such thing as someone “special” because we are all equally special or as un-special as each other.  This “special” label is nothing but an ideal reinforced in the movies and romantic novels.  An ideal that your ego grabs hold of and rolls with, leading you to think that in finding this special person you will be complete.  You are already as amazing as you are and you do not need another person to complete you.

It’s his fault

The fear based mind never takes responsibility for their actions.  When the shit hits the fan it is always the other person’s fault.  The problem with this is that you negate to see the repetitive behaviours that are leading you to continually pick the wrong guy or go back to the ex who is soooooo wrong for you. 

At some point you have to take responsibility for your own actions because it is only by doing so that you can begin to identify what you need to change in order to have happier and more fulfilling relationships.  So, take the time to take a look back on past relationships and identify those limiting beliefs, actions and behaviours that you played out.   Then you need to let it go, recognise that it happened and make a commitment to yourself that you will not let these habits, for that is what they are hold you back in love.  It will take a lot of conscious effort but it will be worth it and could be the difference between Valentines’ Day coupled up or single.

You don’t have to control everything

When you really, really want something, such as a romantic partner you do everything within your power to make it happen.  That guy you met on a night out with the smelly breath and bad shoes suddenly has ‘potential’ because he has all the other qualities that you are looking for in a romantic partner.  You begin to convince yourself that Mr Red-Herring is potential that romantic partner that you seek.  No, no, no!  Stop right there!  The best thing you can do as a single woman is release all control over your love life to God, the Angels or the Universe (whatever it is that you believe in). 

By exerting control in this area of your life you are being led by your ego and, most likely, motivated by your fear rather than love.  When you are motivated by love you trust in God and you believe that He will bring the right man into your life at the right time. 

Be the love you want to attract

It is likely that you would have heard this a million times before.  But it is true that you have to be the person that you want to attract into your life.  The reason for this is down to the Law of attraction which states that what you put out you get back.  If you are putting out an energy that is laced with fear and anxiety then you will attract men into your life who resonate on this vibration.  When you feel good and are operating from a place of love the energy you are putting out is positive.  If you want a healthy and loving relationship, you need to be having this relationship with yourself already.

Ok, so taking these steps isn’t going to make the right romantic partner magically appear in front of you, after all I’m a psychic not a Fairy Godmother.  However, these steps can pave the way for you to have a more positive relationship with yourself.  Operate as your authentic self and draw in the right romantic partner into your life at the right time.  So, if you are alone this Valentines’ Day give yourself the gift of beginning the process of releasing yourself from the clutches of your ego and fear based mind.  Happy Valentine’s Day!

Want more guidance on how to overcome your blocks that are holding you back in love?  Book a reading with me and let’s empower you to be the best possible version of yourself.  Click here to take you through to my contact page.

For more articles by Me, Chanel Williams, click here.

To find out more about me and my work, click here. 

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3 Reasons why you need to boundaries in your love-life

You have met Mr or Mrs Right.  For the first few weeks things are going swimmingly well.  Ok, there are a few little niggles but you let it slide.  Why?  Well, it’s early days and you do not want to ruin this perfect bubble of romantic bliss.  But as the weeks progress, you both settle into the relationship.  Those “little niggles” that you let slide have now become big niggles and they are really upsetting you.  Where did it all go wrong?  The answer is simple: You didn’t stick to your love boundaries.

It’s likely that many of you have not yet begun to consider what your boundaries are in love, believing the age old saying “love has no boundaries”.  There may be a variety of other reasons why you may not have set your boundaries in love, the most common being that: “He/she will think that I am bossy or controlling.”  Setting boundaries is not about being bossy or controlling.  But it is about empowering yourself, modelling to the other person how it is that you would like to be treated. In this light setting your own personal boundaries can be one of your most valuable assets in your relationship. 

To understand the importance of love boundaries it may be helpful to consider the following scenario.  Let’s say you are going on your first date with Mr/Mrs Right.  They are late to meet you, leaving you waiting in the cold and rain.  You tell him off in a jokey way, not wanting to ruin the evening.  But by date 3 he/she is still leaving you waiting, as they arrive 20 minutes late for what should have been a romantic dinner. Before you know it you are 6 months into the relationship and you are still waiting. This time you are waiting for he/she to decide if they are ready to commit and you end up in tears from all the waiting.  Before long you are making excuses for their behaviour until it all becomes too much and you decide to call in a day. You move on to the next one but somehow history seems to repeat itself.  They too leave you waiting; waiting by the phone for them to call, waiting for them to make a decision about they want……. STOP! What you have here is a relationship habit; A habit that you will keep repeating until you take responsibility and start setting clear boundaries for your romantic partnerships.

The good news is that relationship habits, those scenarios that you keep finding yourself in, are the best place to start when beginning the process of setting relationship boundaries.  In identifying them you have to be honest and take a reflective look at past romantic partnerships to see where it has all gone wrong in the past.  Being able to do this requires courage but once you have done it, you empower yourself to take responsibility for your actions, happiness and relationships.  In doing this you also begin to recognise and accept that YOU are responsible for your happiness, nobody else.  You begin to realise that you do not have to put up with any old crap and that you deserve to be happy in love.

Having boundaries is the easy bit.  Sticking to your boundaries; well, that’s the hard bit and believe me once you have told the Universe what your boundaries are they will send potential partners, to test those boundaries.  To test YOU! With this in mind it is important that you stick to those boundaries.  No excuses about the other person being the first amazing guy/woman that you have met in ages.  There is no time for excuses when setting and working within your own set of personal love boundaries. You have got to stick to the boundaries! Here are 3 reasons why it’s important to have boundaries and stick to them:

1.  It creates balance in your relationship

When you let your boundaries slip you are effectively allowing yourself to dance to the other person’s tune.  You are doing things to keep the other person happy at the expense of your own happiness.  Is this a balanced relationship? No, it’s not!  It’s an unbalanced relationship with the spotlight firmly centred upon the happiness of one person and it’s not you.  When you have boundaries you give balance to your relationship allowing both parties to enjoy the relationship as you both get what you want from one another.

2. You show the other person how you deserve to be treated

All too often us women think that the man knows how we want to be treated and, if he does not, then he bloody well should. But that’s not the case because one size fits all relationships don’t exist. We are all different. What works for one woman is a distraction and annoyance for another. When we have boundaries and learn to say ‘No!’ we send a clear message about what we will and will not put up with.  In doing this we are showing the other person how it is we want and deserve to be treated.

3. It’s empowering 

When you know what you want and refuse to settle for anything less you feel empowered.  What happens when you feel empowered?  Well, you feel great and that energy radiates outward, touching every person you come into contact with.  It is when you are in this state of mind and powerful place in your life that you attract great things and people into your life.  Under the law of attraction: like attracts like. Positive, happy and loving people want to be around people who resonate at the same energy level. It is this type of partner and relationship that you want in your life, something very much unlike what you have had before.

In essence, setting personal boundaries in love is like running your own VIP club. There are certain boundaries that cannot be crossed and it’s up to you to eject those that choose to cross the boundaries.  When you first start setting your boundaries in love it will be tricky, you may even find yourself reverting to old ways.  However, once you get started you will feel more empowered and from empowerment comes a sense of positive upliftment, as well as a greater sense of self love.  You know what happens when feel positive and live your life from a place a love, don’t you?  That’s right you attract more of the same into your life.  So, what have you got to lose?  Start setting and applying those love boundaries today!

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Nothing to fear

What is the biggest thing that holds you back from living the life you want to and should be leading? It's inevitable that its fear.

Fear can take many forms. It can be that little voice at the back of your mind that tells you that you can't do it or that it's not the right time. It could also be in the form of those 'dream zappers'. Those people who always like to tell us that we can't do something and end up trampling over our dreams. Whatever form it takes is irrelevant because it still serves the same purpose: Holding you back from living the life you want.

Imagine, if you will, that you knew that there was a skill, a talent that once you shared it with the world would enable you to help others to live a better life, feel empowered and inspired. Sounds great, doesn't it?

Imagine still that you didn't share that skill or talent with the world through fear that you wouldn't have enough money to survive or because other people might ridicule you. How would you feel?

It's likely that you'll feel trapped. At times frustrated and annoyed because you know that the life that you are living is not your true purpose. It's not what you should be doing. Hardly fulfilling is it?

But that is what is happening to many of us every single day. We sit there at our desk or stand there before a class full of children not because we want to. Not because we are passionate about doing it but because we are fear being and living our purpose. We fear that by shinning our light we will not have enough, that we will be ridiculed by others and, in some way, forsaken.

The truth is when we ignore the fear and that voice in our head we feel happier. We realise that there is nothing to fear but fear itself. But, in reality that fear does not exist. It was nothing more than our imagination playing tricks on us holding us back from ourselves and the light within.

Stepping out from behind the cloud of fear takes courage. You may not have all of that courage now but dig deep to find some of it. Do it right now and start taking those first steps to shine your light, sharing the real you with the whole world. Once we take those first steps its amazing how quickly the Universe, God, the angels (whoever it is you believe in) will step in and make it happen for you. All you need to do is step out from behind the shadow of fear.

To find out more about living your purpose and how to make it happen please contact me to book your personal psychic reading with me. Lets unlock the door to your dreams and your future.

The BIG test right before your wish is delivered

Some people tend to wonder why it is that their cosmic orders or their wishes never come true. There could be a number of reasons why, eg: you didn't really take action or you made a half-hearted attempt at your wish/cosmic order. But, one of the biggest reasons why many wishes or cosmic orders do not come true is because we give up too easily.

You see the Universe is smart. As much as it is more than happy to give us what we want it will test us. It is usually during that testing phase that we can get frustrated, annoyed and then give up. But it's at that point that we really should hang on in there.

You see the test comes in order to see if we really know what we want. They up there want to check that we really do want what it is that we ask for. So, what do they do? Well, they send us a little challenge usually in the form of a red herring. Just to see if we will take the bait.

For example, imagine that you have been wishing for The One. You set out exactly what and who it was you were looking for. You ditched the ex, healed and then took action to attract The One.

Now, the Universe will be looking down on you thinking: "Hmm, she looks ready. She says she's ready. But is she really ready?" That's when they bring in Mr Almost The One.

The thing is he looks like The One. He acts like The One. He may even smell like The One but he wants sex first and a possible relationship later. Now whilst your deliberating whether or not to take up this rather kind offer from Mr Almost The One, the Universe are watching you, more closely than ever. It is in how you respond to this test. This challenge that will determine whether or not you get your prize.

It is at these times when you can trip yourself up and end up not being in the running to claim your much desired prize. This is why it is so important that when we send these wishes out to the Universe that we are deadly serious. It is also why you must be totally clear about what it is you want to attract into your life. This is doubly important with relationships. Because Mr Almost The One can look remarkably similar to The One.

But passing the test or challenge is just the beginning. You have to also know what it is you were meant to learn from that test. Kicking up a fuss and saying "It's not bloody fair!" is fine. After all we are all human. We get frustrated and it can't be all love, light & sparkles 24-7. However, it is essential that you learn the lesson and then pay yourself on the back for a job well done. Why? You know that you have learnt from past mistakes and you are now ready to receive. Give thanks, may be even cheekily poke your tongue out at the Universe, calmly and kindly saying "I told you. I AM now ready for my wish to come true."

So the message is simple: Know what you want and don't give up because wishes always come true.

The Art of Moving On: Your Five Step Guide

One minute it’s heart and roses.  The next minute it’s a slanging match and slamming doors.  This is a pattern that I have seen in many relationships over the years of working as a psychic.  It would even be fair to say that one of my relationships from the past was very much the same.  But sometimes it’s easier to stay in a roller-coaster relationship, even a relationship that is blatantly not meant to be. Not because you are crazy but because moving on in love can be one of the hardest things to do.  The truth is there is no real art or knack to it. It does not matter how many times you experience the heartache of a break up, moving on does not get any easier.

Many say time is a healer. Personally, I don’t agree. I feel experience and wisdom are the greater healers. By this I mean that when we learn and apply our lessons we move on at a quicker rate. I can literally hear you shouting at your glossy magazine page ”Are you crazy?”  My response to you is simple “No!”  Now let me explain.

If you look back at your last break-up, what attitude helped you to move on?

a.      Was it mopping around the house all day thinking about what you coulda, shoulda done?

b.      Was it adopting a fresh attitude, putting your best foot forward and concentrating your mind and energy somewhere else?

I’m guessing it’s the latter attitude that truly helped you to move on!  Move on to bigger and better things.  It’s this stage that you need to get to, pronto!  The quickest way to get there is with your mind and your thoughts.

It’s important to heal your mind and your thoughts, especially when attempting to move on from a relationship.  This is because our thoughts are our silent affirmations; our silent affirmations then become our actions and eventually, our reality. The reason for this is because our thoughts carry energy, energy that is felt by everyone that we come into contact with.  It is also felt by our ex, travelling along the energetic cords that were created when you came together for a romantic partnership.  Therefore when you keep sniffing your ex’s old sweaty t-shirt or staring at their old photos you holding thoughts of them in your mind.  The energy of this thought travels along the energetic cord between you and your ex.  Your ex feels this and it makes them feel safe, that your love is still around them and this keeps them where they are; be it playing the field or shacked up with their new girlfriend.  But when your change your thoughts, stop thinking about your ex then you change the energy and your focus. This is usually when you start to feel better. You start attracting new people, opportunities and experiences into your life. It is then that your ex usually reappears.  

So, let’s get clear on those steps to moving on from a painful relationship:

1. Disconnect from their energy

Get rid of the photos or anything else connected to your ex including; all the texts and emails, even taking the step of blocking them on Facebook and all of those other social networking sites and apps. That way you no longer have that connection or temptation to look at or contact them.

2. Change your thinking

At first you will feel great when you do this but there will be times when you feel like rubbish, probably at nights when you feel lonely. It is then that you may think of your ex and you need to be strong to resist that temptation.  If you do start to think of them then change the thought – think about something or someone else. I often recommend that my clients work with affirmations, usually one that is channelled directly from my guide and the angels.  Saying a positive affirmation instead thinking about your ex has the effect of your changing your thought pattern, reprogramming your mind to focusing upon moving on, as opposed to going back.

3. Fall in love with yourself again

When we break up with someone we feel as if we will never meet anyone again or that we are not good enough to be loved by anyone else.  This is why you need to learn to love yourself; fall in love with yourself all over again.  A great way to do this is to create a “I Love Me” board or poster.  You may want to have a photo of yourself when you are looking at your best in the centre of the board or poster, then write a selection of positive statements or words about yourself.  Then when you are feeling low get your board out, look at the photo and read the positive statements about you.  Do this often enough you will start to remember why you so amazing and why your ex is no longer worthy of you!

4. Get clear about what and who you want in your life

Think about and even write down what kind of partner you want to attract into your life. After all you have to know what you want in order to stand a chance of attracting it into your life.  In my own love life and with my clients I work with the energy of law of attraction in the form of cosmic ordering and vision boards.  Each of these have the effect of focusing your mind on what you do what to attract into your life, rather than what you do not want in your life. 

5. Be patient and be kind to you because it won’t be easy.

It’s important to be kind to yourself and be patient. If you can find other people who are going through your situation then great you can socialize together or motivate each other. In time and with practice it will become easier and you will move on.

In essence, moving on begins in the mind first.  Once your mind and thoughts are positive, focused on something and someone else you draw back your energy.  Rather than expending that energy on someone who is crazy enough to leave you, you redirect it back to someone who so much more important: YOU!  When you do this you start to feel lighter and life seems a whole lot brighter.  So, what are you waiting for?  There is no better time to start moving on than right now!  The quicker you start the process the quicker you start feeling great and make room in your heart, soul, mind and life for someone who truly deserves you.

If you would like to talk to me about my experience of successfully moving on from a soulmate relationship or would like to book a psychic tarot reading/Angelic Reiki session with me please contact me via the contact form on my Contact page.  I look forward to working with you. 

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Simple Dreams

Old friend: "Sophie is having another baby and getting married next year."
Me: "Ah, that's nice. Bless her."
Old Friend: "Nice?  She doesn't have a career."
Me: "But kids and marriage was all she really wanted from life, really."
Old Friend: "Yeah.  Simple Dreams."

At the time of that conversation I was probably on my third career change since leaving university.  My friend at the time was pursuing her fashion dream career and neither of us had a relationship, to speak of.  Now, as I sit here typing I am very much single and in a really good place to mingle.  But, it seems like all of my career success over the years, all those qualifications and wardrobe full of clothes has not brought me any closer to this, so-called "Simple Dream".

When I look back and think about it, I think I realised even then that our friend's dream was anything but simple.  If it were so simple then how is it that so many successful professional women come to me for a reading about their love life.  They all want to know: "When will I find love?"  "When will I get married?"  Very few women, especially single women in their 30s and, sometimes older or younger, come to me wanting guidance about their career.  Those who do are usually married or very much in a happy and settled relationship.  Love really isn't the "Simple Dream" my old friend labelled it as.  So, why is it that so many of us professional women, intelligent and beautiful women find ourselves achieving great things in the boardroom but not doing so well in our love lives?  

Well, it could be down to the way that the role of women has evolved over the years. Yes, these changes have brought with it great things such as greater equality in the workplace, more opportunities for women to climb the ladder and be on equal pay with men.  However, it has also given us more to aim for and, in some cases, changed our attitude and focus.  Let's take the Spice Girl era, those of you who are of similar age to me will remember the Spice Girls and their Girl Power message.  That idea and attitude that we can do anything the men can do and do it better.  This later evolved into the "Independent Woman" era, made popular by Destiny's Child.  All of these have had a huge influence on the female population, leading us to focus more achieving our goals and being successful.  Whereas, in my mum and nan's day there wasn't such a focus on success, power, money, high heels and status.  Instead meeting a life partner, settling down and having children was, probably their biggest goal.  

It could also be said that this change in the status and attitude in women over the years has also affected our relationships with men.  Many years ago many women were more likely to see their role as the homemaker and the male role as that of the breadwinner.  In this sense men and women had very fixed roles; they knew their place.  There was, in that sense, no confusion.  However, these days things are very different, with an increasing number of women earning more than their actual or prospective partners.  Also women's attitudes have changed too with more women knowing their worth and asserting themselves much more than women from my mum and nan's error.  This is no bad thing but it seems to me that women's attitudes and how they view themselves have changed.  However, men's attitudes about they view themselves has not changed.  Many still see themselves as the provider and protector which, can cause confusion when dealing with strong. professional women.  After all, as women we can do that all by ourselves. We no longer need a man to fulfill this role, with many not even wanting a man to fulfill this role.  It is here that we get this situation where this "Simple Dream" becomes so hard for us beautiful and professional women to attain. Why?  Because we have all been pursuing this Independent Woman dream: successful career, an Audi TT that we have bought ourselves and the rest.   In achieving all of this we have adopted a single-minded "I can do it all by myself" attitude.  An attitude that, really lets be honest, just doesn't cut it in a relationship.  

What I have come to realise is that actually there is nothing wrong with having a man looking after me and protecting me.  Furthermore, in order to find love I am going to have to put much higher up on my agenda and drop this single-minded attitude which, has worked in the boardroom but not in relationships.  Men want to feel like the protector and I am more than happy to allow my man to assume this role.  It doesn't mean that I have to be weak or submissive.  It just means that I am allowing him to play out his natural role as a man.    It is this that my old friend with the "Simple Dream" maintained all along.  Whilst we were all being Independent Women using our Girl Power to pursue our career goals, we were all missing out on love.  Now, what should have been a "Simple Dream", has now become one of the hardest dreams to achieve.  


"A career is wonderful, but you can't curl up with it on a cold night." - Marilyn Monroe

Soul Mates; The myth that Hollywood sold us

There has been much talk about Soul Mates and Twin Flames and, if I am honest, I have found the definitions confusing. In many cases I find one persons definition contradicts somebody else’s.

Let’s take the term Soul Mate.   The Hollywood movies would have us believe that finding our Soul Mate is the be all and end all in love.  That it’s the happy ever after fairy tale ending.  However, those of us who have had a Soul Mate relationship, especially a romantic one, know how volatile they can be. Definitely, NOT the stuff that fairy tales are made of.

A Soul Mate can be a friend, family member or lover. We have met them in a past life where you both could have assumed different roles, possibly even a different gender. You would have a made a pact with that person to come together again, in the next life term in order to resolves issues and learn lessons. This kind of relationship is not designed to last forever or go the distance. I’m not saying it can’t but that’s not the purpose. 

Soul Mate

A Soul Mate will hold your hand through part of your journey. Your initial connection with this person is immediate. You feel as though you have met before because you have done, at another time in another place. However, these relationships challenge us because they are filled with challenges themselves.

In my own case he would never commit but would always come back to me. We would argue and hurt each other, yet always forgive one another. When together we felt complete.  It was intense but this is the essence of a soul Mate connection. Because it feels like what we think love should feel like and because the connection is so strong we believe it must be our happy ending. With this in mind we try to mould into what a real-life, stereotypical romantic relationship should look like, usually person does this more than the other. This creates more friction and challenge. Why? Well a Soul Mate holds your hand through life and those lessons that you need to learn. Thus when you learn the lesson, you can let go of one another’s hand. It sounds so simple. It probably should be that simple. But those who have loved and left/lost your Soul Mate know that walking away can be heart-wrenching. It’s extremely painful; like part of you has died. In a way it has because that sharing of a soul connection.  Is that the glossy version of Soul Mate that you have been thinking of?  I think not!

Twin Flame
As the name suggests your Twin Flame is your twin, with the connection between you being one that is based on pure love and light.  However, I’m not saying it’s perfect and rosy all the time because every relationship comes with it's own challenges. But the essence of this relationship is pure love.  This is the relationship many of us aspire to and wish for. Some of us find it.  Sadly some of us do not because it is thought that most Twin Flames rarely come together for a love relationship, particularly not in this lifetime.  For me this is a sad thought. To think people do not get to experience something so amazing.  However, due to the fact that more people are seeing light and becoming spiritually aware, we are seeing an increasing number of Twin Flames coming together on the Earth plane.

When working with my guide I asked for further guidance about Twin Flames and Soul Mates.  Here is what I was told:

"What you want is someone who resonates on the same/similar vibrational energy as yourself. This way they understand you, you them. You understand each other. This is what initially happens in a soul Mate energy. You come together on that same vibration. Hence, why the pull is so strong. When healing and releasing need to be done the pull brings you back together (this is when we learn our lesson). However, over time, you find that one is more enlightened than the other. The vibration changes. One is at a higher vibrational level to the other. This is when cords can be cut, so as to release you both to complete the next stage of your journey. That is not to say that you will not be drawn together again. (Here is when I asked Why? My favourite question.) One person may come back to the other. After all, they may still have lessons to learn. By this stage rather than two coming together for mutual healing. One comes in while the other repels them. Not because the love has gone but because they are each on new journeys. The release of the old karma has taken full effect. This is why we have to be careful with cord cutting. It’s not that simple. Not the easy way out. Also it doesn’t always work because we bring you together to learn lessons. You wanted to come back together so you can choose to heal and grow. (I ask Why they say choose!) We can’t force you to do it. You have free will but you will just have to come back again to learn. Attempting to cut cords willy-nilly hampers the process. This natural process."

In essence it seemed to me that what was most important when attracting a romantic partnership is to be with someone who is on your level.  The label of Soul Mate and Twin Flame is irrelevant what matters most is how that person makes you feel and if being in that relationship makes you feel good.

Fear

A lot time people are fearful of situations and people. Sometimes so fearful that they stop. Dead in their tracks. Held back by fear they are unable to experience this new situation or embrace the new person. In this way they prevent themselves from growing and having that one thing in their life that could maybe, just maybe bring happiness into their world. But how does the fear get there? How can 4 letters hold you back and keep you trapped?

Fear is an emotion. A negative one at that. Its roots can be found in a repressed memory in our past, sometimes as far back as our childhood. When we block these memories, rather than deal with them by releasing them they hold us back.

The repressed memory and the feelings experienced at that time become fear. Fear that comes up in our life over and over and over again. That is until we deal with it.

* Lets look at it like this. Imagine that you felt abandoned as a child. You were in and out of foster homes because your mum found you a handful. As a child you felt rejected, scared, unloved and angry. These feelings and this memory, if not released, stay with you well into your adult life.

Now an adult you find that your relationships all go the same way. In wanting to be loved and to fill that childhood gap in your life you attract loving partners who will do anything for you. You love the feeling of being loved. But, because you havent released the memory of your past, that fear of abandonment creeps in. When it gets a grip you find yourself leaving your partner before they leave you. The idea of commitment for you doesnt exist because there is no memory of this in your psyche to draw from. The only memory that you have is abandonment and you havent released it. Therefore, those memories and fear based feelings are all you have to draw from.

Now I know that the example seems dramatic but hopefully it illustrates what Im talking about. So, you are here in this situation but how do you get out?

1. Facing your fear 
Go back to the memory where the fear began. It will hurt but it is necessary. You need to let it all out. Cry if you need to - release it.

2. Forgive the person
Then write a letter or have a conversation with person who instilled that fear. Tell them how you feel. Let it ALL out. But tell them that you forgive and love them. You dont have to forget. Cos lets face it forgetting is hard but you must forgive. Send the letter, have the convo in person or imagine it, burn the letter or throw it away. That way you can begin to have closure.

3. Dont look back
Once its done its done. It will hurt but keep forgiving, releasing and loving yourself.

Now, dont be disheartened if you cant do this straight away. It may take a few attempts, especially if this fear has been with you for years. If its a love scenario breaking all contact with the other person is necessary. I know that is hard when you love someone but it is vital if you want closure.

We all have free will.  You can choose not to go back there and confront those fears. Its your choice but dont be surprised if the same patterns keep repeating themselves in your life.

* The example given is not my personal experience.

What does love look like?

As some of you may know I never give readings to my friends which means that, should they want a reading, they have to seek it out from somebody else.  Much to their annoyance as they would prefer a freebie from me.  I wont go into the reasons why I do not give them readings as it will deviate from the story I have to share.  Here goes.....

A friend of mine was told by a psychic that she would be meeting a new man very soon.  Well to be precise she was told where she would meet, an approximate date and a few details about the guy.  It just so happens that she was due to attend a significant event at this time and it was totally possible that she would meet the kind of man described at this event.

Well, the event came and went.  In typical fashion I forgot to ask her about it, (I've always got a million things to do and tend to forget EVERYTHING unless I write it down).  However, when I finally remembered I dropped her a text asking how the event went.  Conveniently or not, she negated to mentioned this guy that she told that she would meet at the event.  Being nosy, I asked directly if she had met the guy that the psychic had mentioned.  Her reply ".....no, hot ones."

My first thought was sometimes love doesn't look how we expect it to.  The fact that it just flashed into my mind was my sure sign that this was spirit speaking to me and it is this that I want to reflect on now.

Let's face it we all have a type of guy/woman that we go for.  For me it's taller guys, trendy, shaved head, preferably well built with tattoos, although 1 tattoo will suffice.  However, this type doesn't seem to have done me any favours seeing as I am still single at 30.  But, what I have learnt from years of dating and heartbreak, as well as doing countless love readings is that love doesn't always look the way we expect it to.

A lot of us hold this rigid image of what our ideal partner will look like.  We have it fixed in our mind how he will dress, how he will speak (I say he but it could just as easily be she), what job he will do etc etc.  But what we negate to really consider is how he will make us feel, what it would be like to be with this person and the personality traits that he will have.  Therefore, when we meet someone who could be perfect for us in every single way but they have the wrong hair colour, the wrong job or the wrong brand of jeans we dismiss this person because they do not fit the rigid ideal that we have created in our mind.

Now, not everyone does this and maybe,  just maybe the amazing guy that my friend was told about by the psychic was not at the event that she went to.  However, it could be that he was there and that the reason why she didn't see him was that she was looking for a man who met her view of what he should like.  After all how many times have we heard of people falling in love with someone they have been friends with for years. The thing is they overlook this person, for any number of reasons, but in many cases because they do not fit their description of what their "perfect" lover looks like.

In my eyes love finds us when we are ready.  Yes we need to know what it is we are looking for and what it that we want from a relationship but we also need to be open to love, both giving and receiving it.  Looks will fade and fashion changes like the wind.  So, instead of looking at the outside focus on what is on the inside; their personality, how they treat you and they make you feel.  For those of you who have not found the right partner focus on attracting a like-minded partner, consider how you want that person to make you feel and the traits that you want them to embody.  When you meet that person you will feel those feelings stir inside you and be under no doubt as to their "perfectness", for want of a better word, for you!

Love, light & sparkles

-xxx-

Photo Courtesy: Lel4nd