Love: Are you motivated by fear and led by your ego?

Let’s face it sometimes the world of love and relationships can be a total nightmare.  Where you find yourself going from one relationship drama to another, attracting the same kind of man dressed up in a different outfit.  Whilst everyone around you is getting it right, getting married and having babies you are left trying to work out where the hell that you are going wrong.  You spend your days pondering on what went wrong in the previous relationship and your nights with your girlfriends berating and blaming your ex.  However, much of the time the drama lies within and it is only by going within that you get to the heart of the problem.  In essence you have to be the person that you want to attract.

You see much of the time when you are seeking love it can be executed with an air of desperation, as you bow down to the pressure to settle down before your biological clocking stops ticking.  It can also become annoying and embarrassing to always be the bridesmaid but never the bride.  All of these scenarios and others like them can instil a fear within you: A fear that often becomes your main motivator in love.  The problem with this is that the fear leads you to look for love in all the wrong places; attracting men just like your ex or men that are not ready to commit. All of these things are symptoms of being led by fear and the ego, rather than by being led by love and your authentic self. 

Learning to identify whether or not you are being motivated by fear and led by the ego in love and relationships is key to attracting the love you desire into your life.  So, let’s identify and demystify some of those illusions that our ego tends to feed us whilst we are navigating our way along the pathway of love…….

Looking for someone special

Er, hello you have already met someone special.  You are special. 

So, often in love we put the other person on a pedastool.  In fact when you say that you are searching for someone special you are putting that person on a pedestal before you have even met them.  This not only puts you under a lot of pressure but also the other person who has to live up to their “special” label.  Hardly fair is it? 

The truth is there is no such thing as someone “special” because we are all equally special or as un-special as each other.  This “special” label is nothing but an ideal reinforced in the movies and romantic novels.  An ideal that your ego grabs hold of and rolls with, leading you to think that in finding this special person you will be complete.  You are already as amazing as you are and you do not need another person to complete you.

It’s his fault

The fear based mind never takes responsibility for their actions.  When the shit hits the fan it is always the other person’s fault.  The problem with this is that you negate to see the repetitive behaviours that are leading you to continually pick the wrong guy or go back to the ex who is soooooo wrong for you. 

At some point you have to take responsibility for your own actions because it is only by doing so that you can begin to identify what you need to change in order to have happier and more fulfilling relationships.  So, take the time to take a look back on past relationships and identify those limiting beliefs, actions and behaviours that you played out.   Then you need to let it go, recognise that it happened and make a commitment to yourself that you will not let these habits, for that is what they are hold you back in love.  It will take a lot of conscious effort but it will be worth it and could be the difference between Valentines’ Day coupled up or single.

You don’t have to control everything

When you really, really want something, such as a romantic partner you do everything within your power to make it happen.  That guy you met on a night out with the smelly breath and bad shoes suddenly has ‘potential’ because he has all the other qualities that you are looking for in a romantic partner.  You begin to convince yourself that Mr Red-Herring is potential that romantic partner that you seek.  No, no, no!  Stop right there!  The best thing you can do as a single woman is release all control over your love life to God, the Angels or the Universe (whatever it is that you believe in). 

By exerting control in this area of your life you are being led by your ego and, most likely, motivated by your fear rather than love.  When you are motivated by love you trust in God and you believe that He will bring the right man into your life at the right time. 

Be the love you want to attract

It is likely that you would have heard this a million times before.  But it is true that you have to be the person that you want to attract into your life.  The reason for this is down to the Law of attraction which states that what you put out you get back.  If you are putting out an energy that is laced with fear and anxiety then you will attract men into your life who resonate on this vibration.  When you feel good and are operating from a place of love the energy you are putting out is positive.  If you want a healthy and loving relationship, you need to be having this relationship with yourself already.

Ok, so taking these steps isn’t going to make the right romantic partner magically appear in front of you, after all I’m a psychic not a Fairy Godmother.  However, these steps can pave the way for you to have a more positive relationship with yourself.  Operate as your authentic self and draw in the right romantic partner into your life at the right time.  So, if you are alone this Valentines’ Day give yourself the gift of beginning the process of releasing yourself from the clutches of your ego and fear based mind.  Happy Valentine’s Day!

Want more guidance on how to overcome your blocks that are holding you back in love?  Book a reading with me and let’s empower you to be the best possible version of yourself.  Click here to take you through to my contact page.

For more articles by Me, Chanel Williams, click here.

To find out more about me and my work, click here. 

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3 Reasons why you need to boundaries in your love-life

You have met Mr or Mrs Right.  For the first few weeks things are going swimmingly well.  Ok, there are a few little niggles but you let it slide.  Why?  Well, it’s early days and you do not want to ruin this perfect bubble of romantic bliss.  But as the weeks progress, you both settle into the relationship.  Those “little niggles” that you let slide have now become big niggles and they are really upsetting you.  Where did it all go wrong?  The answer is simple: You didn’t stick to your love boundaries.

It’s likely that many of you have not yet begun to consider what your boundaries are in love, believing the age old saying “love has no boundaries”.  There may be a variety of other reasons why you may not have set your boundaries in love, the most common being that: “He/she will think that I am bossy or controlling.”  Setting boundaries is not about being bossy or controlling.  But it is about empowering yourself, modelling to the other person how it is that you would like to be treated. In this light setting your own personal boundaries can be one of your most valuable assets in your relationship. 

To understand the importance of love boundaries it may be helpful to consider the following scenario.  Let’s say you are going on your first date with Mr/Mrs Right.  They are late to meet you, leaving you waiting in the cold and rain.  You tell him off in a jokey way, not wanting to ruin the evening.  But by date 3 he/she is still leaving you waiting, as they arrive 20 minutes late for what should have been a romantic dinner. Before you know it you are 6 months into the relationship and you are still waiting. This time you are waiting for he/she to decide if they are ready to commit and you end up in tears from all the waiting.  Before long you are making excuses for their behaviour until it all becomes too much and you decide to call in a day. You move on to the next one but somehow history seems to repeat itself.  They too leave you waiting; waiting by the phone for them to call, waiting for them to make a decision about they want……. STOP! What you have here is a relationship habit; A habit that you will keep repeating until you take responsibility and start setting clear boundaries for your romantic partnerships.

The good news is that relationship habits, those scenarios that you keep finding yourself in, are the best place to start when beginning the process of setting relationship boundaries.  In identifying them you have to be honest and take a reflective look at past romantic partnerships to see where it has all gone wrong in the past.  Being able to do this requires courage but once you have done it, you empower yourself to take responsibility for your actions, happiness and relationships.  In doing this you also begin to recognise and accept that YOU are responsible for your happiness, nobody else.  You begin to realise that you do not have to put up with any old crap and that you deserve to be happy in love.

Having boundaries is the easy bit.  Sticking to your boundaries; well, that’s the hard bit and believe me once you have told the Universe what your boundaries are they will send potential partners, to test those boundaries.  To test YOU! With this in mind it is important that you stick to those boundaries.  No excuses about the other person being the first amazing guy/woman that you have met in ages.  There is no time for excuses when setting and working within your own set of personal love boundaries. You have got to stick to the boundaries! Here are 3 reasons why it’s important to have boundaries and stick to them:

1.  It creates balance in your relationship

When you let your boundaries slip you are effectively allowing yourself to dance to the other person’s tune.  You are doing things to keep the other person happy at the expense of your own happiness.  Is this a balanced relationship? No, it’s not!  It’s an unbalanced relationship with the spotlight firmly centred upon the happiness of one person and it’s not you.  When you have boundaries you give balance to your relationship allowing both parties to enjoy the relationship as you both get what you want from one another.

2. You show the other person how you deserve to be treated

All too often us women think that the man knows how we want to be treated and, if he does not, then he bloody well should. But that’s not the case because one size fits all relationships don’t exist. We are all different. What works for one woman is a distraction and annoyance for another. When we have boundaries and learn to say ‘No!’ we send a clear message about what we will and will not put up with.  In doing this we are showing the other person how it is we want and deserve to be treated.

3. It’s empowering 

When you know what you want and refuse to settle for anything less you feel empowered.  What happens when you feel empowered?  Well, you feel great and that energy radiates outward, touching every person you come into contact with.  It is when you are in this state of mind and powerful place in your life that you attract great things and people into your life.  Under the law of attraction: like attracts like. Positive, happy and loving people want to be around people who resonate at the same energy level. It is this type of partner and relationship that you want in your life, something very much unlike what you have had before.

In essence, setting personal boundaries in love is like running your own VIP club. There are certain boundaries that cannot be crossed and it’s up to you to eject those that choose to cross the boundaries.  When you first start setting your boundaries in love it will be tricky, you may even find yourself reverting to old ways.  However, once you get started you will feel more empowered and from empowerment comes a sense of positive upliftment, as well as a greater sense of self love.  You know what happens when feel positive and live your life from a place a love, don’t you?  That’s right you attract more of the same into your life.  So, what have you got to lose?  Start setting and applying those love boundaries today!

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The BIG test right before your wish is delivered

Some people tend to wonder why it is that their cosmic orders or their wishes never come true. There could be a number of reasons why, eg: you didn't really take action or you made a half-hearted attempt at your wish/cosmic order. But, one of the biggest reasons why many wishes or cosmic orders do not come true is because we give up too easily.

You see the Universe is smart. As much as it is more than happy to give us what we want it will test us. It is usually during that testing phase that we can get frustrated, annoyed and then give up. But it's at that point that we really should hang on in there.

You see the test comes in order to see if we really know what we want. They up there want to check that we really do want what it is that we ask for. So, what do they do? Well, they send us a little challenge usually in the form of a red herring. Just to see if we will take the bait.

For example, imagine that you have been wishing for The One. You set out exactly what and who it was you were looking for. You ditched the ex, healed and then took action to attract The One.

Now, the Universe will be looking down on you thinking: "Hmm, she looks ready. She says she's ready. But is she really ready?" That's when they bring in Mr Almost The One.

The thing is he looks like The One. He acts like The One. He may even smell like The One but he wants sex first and a possible relationship later. Now whilst your deliberating whether or not to take up this rather kind offer from Mr Almost The One, the Universe are watching you, more closely than ever. It is in how you respond to this test. This challenge that will determine whether or not you get your prize.

It is at these times when you can trip yourself up and end up not being in the running to claim your much desired prize. This is why it is so important that when we send these wishes out to the Universe that we are deadly serious. It is also why you must be totally clear about what it is you want to attract into your life. This is doubly important with relationships. Because Mr Almost The One can look remarkably similar to The One.

But passing the test or challenge is just the beginning. You have to also know what it is you were meant to learn from that test. Kicking up a fuss and saying "It's not bloody fair!" is fine. After all we are all human. We get frustrated and it can't be all love, light & sparkles 24-7. However, it is essential that you learn the lesson and then pay yourself on the back for a job well done. Why? You know that you have learnt from past mistakes and you are now ready to receive. Give thanks, may be even cheekily poke your tongue out at the Universe, calmly and kindly saying "I told you. I AM now ready for my wish to come true."

So the message is simple: Know what you want and don't give up because wishes always come true.

The Art of Moving On: Your Five Step Guide

One minute it’s heart and roses.  The next minute it’s a slanging match and slamming doors.  This is a pattern that I have seen in many relationships over the years of working as a psychic.  It would even be fair to say that one of my relationships from the past was very much the same.  But sometimes it’s easier to stay in a roller-coaster relationship, even a relationship that is blatantly not meant to be. Not because you are crazy but because moving on in love can be one of the hardest things to do.  The truth is there is no real art or knack to it. It does not matter how many times you experience the heartache of a break up, moving on does not get any easier.

Many say time is a healer. Personally, I don’t agree. I feel experience and wisdom are the greater healers. By this I mean that when we learn and apply our lessons we move on at a quicker rate. I can literally hear you shouting at your glossy magazine page ”Are you crazy?”  My response to you is simple “No!”  Now let me explain.

If you look back at your last break-up, what attitude helped you to move on?

a.      Was it mopping around the house all day thinking about what you coulda, shoulda done?

b.      Was it adopting a fresh attitude, putting your best foot forward and concentrating your mind and energy somewhere else?

I’m guessing it’s the latter attitude that truly helped you to move on!  Move on to bigger and better things.  It’s this stage that you need to get to, pronto!  The quickest way to get there is with your mind and your thoughts.

It’s important to heal your mind and your thoughts, especially when attempting to move on from a relationship.  This is because our thoughts are our silent affirmations; our silent affirmations then become our actions and eventually, our reality. The reason for this is because our thoughts carry energy, energy that is felt by everyone that we come into contact with.  It is also felt by our ex, travelling along the energetic cords that were created when you came together for a romantic partnership.  Therefore when you keep sniffing your ex’s old sweaty t-shirt or staring at their old photos you holding thoughts of them in your mind.  The energy of this thought travels along the energetic cord between you and your ex.  Your ex feels this and it makes them feel safe, that your love is still around them and this keeps them where they are; be it playing the field or shacked up with their new girlfriend.  But when your change your thoughts, stop thinking about your ex then you change the energy and your focus. This is usually when you start to feel better. You start attracting new people, opportunities and experiences into your life. It is then that your ex usually reappears.  

So, let’s get clear on those steps to moving on from a painful relationship:

1. Disconnect from their energy

Get rid of the photos or anything else connected to your ex including; all the texts and emails, even taking the step of blocking them on Facebook and all of those other social networking sites and apps. That way you no longer have that connection or temptation to look at or contact them.

2. Change your thinking

At first you will feel great when you do this but there will be times when you feel like rubbish, probably at nights when you feel lonely. It is then that you may think of your ex and you need to be strong to resist that temptation.  If you do start to think of them then change the thought – think about something or someone else. I often recommend that my clients work with affirmations, usually one that is channelled directly from my guide and the angels.  Saying a positive affirmation instead thinking about your ex has the effect of your changing your thought pattern, reprogramming your mind to focusing upon moving on, as opposed to going back.

3. Fall in love with yourself again

When we break up with someone we feel as if we will never meet anyone again or that we are not good enough to be loved by anyone else.  This is why you need to learn to love yourself; fall in love with yourself all over again.  A great way to do this is to create a “I Love Me” board or poster.  You may want to have a photo of yourself when you are looking at your best in the centre of the board or poster, then write a selection of positive statements or words about yourself.  Then when you are feeling low get your board out, look at the photo and read the positive statements about you.  Do this often enough you will start to remember why you so amazing and why your ex is no longer worthy of you!

4. Get clear about what and who you want in your life

Think about and even write down what kind of partner you want to attract into your life. After all you have to know what you want in order to stand a chance of attracting it into your life.  In my own love life and with my clients I work with the energy of law of attraction in the form of cosmic ordering and vision boards.  Each of these have the effect of focusing your mind on what you do what to attract into your life, rather than what you do not want in your life. 

5. Be patient and be kind to you because it won’t be easy.

It’s important to be kind to yourself and be patient. If you can find other people who are going through your situation then great you can socialize together or motivate each other. In time and with practice it will become easier and you will move on.

In essence, moving on begins in the mind first.  Once your mind and thoughts are positive, focused on something and someone else you draw back your energy.  Rather than expending that energy on someone who is crazy enough to leave you, you redirect it back to someone who so much more important: YOU!  When you do this you start to feel lighter and life seems a whole lot brighter.  So, what are you waiting for?  There is no better time to start moving on than right now!  The quicker you start the process the quicker you start feeling great and make room in your heart, soul, mind and life for someone who truly deserves you.

If you would like to talk to me about my experience of successfully moving on from a soulmate relationship or would like to book a psychic tarot reading/Angelic Reiki session with me please contact me via the contact form on my Contact page.  I look forward to working with you. 

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