You have met Mr or Mrs Right. For the first few weeks things are going
swimmingly well. Ok, there are a few little
niggles but you let it slide. Why? Well, it’s early days and you do not want to
ruin this perfect bubble of romantic bliss.
But as the weeks progress, you both settle into the relationship. Those “little niggles” that you let slide
have now become big niggles and they are really upsetting you. Where did it all go wrong? The answer is simple: You didn’t stick to
your love boundaries.
It’s likely that many of you have not yet begun to
consider what your boundaries are in love, believing the age old saying “love has no boundaries”. There may be a variety of other reasons why
you may not have set your boundaries in love, the most common being that: “He/she will think that I am bossy or
controlling.” Setting boundaries is
not about being bossy or controlling.
But it is about empowering yourself, modelling to the other person how
it is that you would like to be treated. In this light setting your own
personal boundaries can be one of your most valuable assets in your
relationship.
To understand the importance of love boundaries it
may be helpful to consider the following scenario. Let’s say you are going on your first date
with Mr/Mrs Right. They are late to meet
you, leaving you waiting in the cold and rain. You tell him off in a
jokey way, not wanting to ruin the evening. But by date 3 he/she is still
leaving you waiting, as they arrive 20 minutes late for what should have been a
romantic dinner. Before you know it you are 6 months into the relationship and
you are still waiting. This time you are waiting for he/she to decide if they
are ready to commit and you end up in tears from all the waiting. Before
long you are making excuses for their behaviour until it all becomes too much
and you decide to call in a day. You move on to the next one but somehow
history seems to repeat itself. They too leave you waiting; waiting by
the phone for them to call, waiting for them to make a decision about they want…….
STOP! What you have here is a
relationship habit; A habit that you will keep repeating until you take
responsibility and start setting clear boundaries for your romantic partnerships.
The good news is that relationship habits, those scenarios
that you keep finding yourself in, are the best place to start when beginning
the process of setting relationship boundaries. In identifying them you
have to be honest and take a reflective look at past romantic partnerships to
see where it has all gone wrong in the past. Being able to do this
requires courage but once you have done it, you empower yourself to take
responsibility for your actions, happiness and relationships. In doing
this you also begin to recognise and accept that YOU are responsible for your
happiness, nobody else. You begin to realise that you do not have to put
up with any old crap and that you deserve to be happy in love.
Having boundaries is the easy bit. Sticking
to your boundaries; well, that’s the hard bit and believe me once you have told
the Universe what your boundaries are they will send potential partners, to
test those boundaries. To test YOU! With this in mind it is important
that you stick to those boundaries. No excuses about the other person
being the first amazing guy/woman that you have met in ages. There is no
time for excuses when setting and working within your own set of personal love
boundaries. You have got to stick to the boundaries! Here are 3 reasons why
it’s important to have boundaries and stick to them:
1. It creates balance in your relationship
When you let your boundaries slip you are
effectively allowing yourself to dance to the other person’s tune. You
are doing things to keep the other person happy at the expense of your own
happiness. Is this a balanced relationship? No, it’s
not! It’s an unbalanced relationship with the spotlight firmly centred
upon the happiness of one person and it’s not you. When you have
boundaries you give balance to your relationship allowing both parties to enjoy
the relationship as you both get what you want from one another.
2. You show the other person how you deserve to be
treated
All too often us women think that the man knows how
we want to be treated and, if he does not, then he bloody well should. But
that’s not the case because one size fits all relationships don’t exist. We are
all different. What works for one woman is a distraction and annoyance for
another. When we have boundaries and learn to say ‘No!’ we send a clear message
about what we will and will not put up with. In doing this we are showing
the other person how it is we want and deserve to be treated.
3. It’s empowering
When you know what you want and refuse to settle
for anything less you feel empowered. What happens when you feel
empowered? Well, you feel great and that energy radiates outward,
touching every person you come into contact with. It is when you are in
this state of mind and powerful place in your life that you attract great things
and people into your life. Under the law
of attraction: like attracts like. Positive, happy and loving people want to be
around people who resonate at the same energy level. It is this type of partner
and relationship that you want in your life, something very much unlike what you
have had before.
In essence, setting personal boundaries in love is
like running your own VIP club. There are certain boundaries that cannot be
crossed and it’s up to you to eject those that choose to cross the boundaries. When you first start setting your boundaries
in love it will be tricky, you may even find yourself reverting to old
ways. However, once you get started you
will feel more empowered and from empowerment comes a sense of positive
upliftment, as well as a greater sense of self love. You
know what happens when feel positive and live your life from a place a love, don’t
you? That’s right you attract more
of the same into your life. So, what have you got to lose? Start setting and applying those love
boundaries today!
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