Simple Dreams

Old friend: "Sophie is having another baby and getting married next year."
Me: "Ah, that's nice. Bless her."
Old Friend: "Nice?  She doesn't have a career."
Me: "But kids and marriage was all she really wanted from life, really."
Old Friend: "Yeah.  Simple Dreams."

At the time of that conversation I was probably on my third career change since leaving university.  My friend at the time was pursuing her fashion dream career and neither of us had a relationship, to speak of.  Now, as I sit here typing I am very much single and in a really good place to mingle.  But, it seems like all of my career success over the years, all those qualifications and wardrobe full of clothes has not brought me any closer to this, so-called "Simple Dream".

When I look back and think about it, I think I realised even then that our friend's dream was anything but simple.  If it were so simple then how is it that so many successful professional women come to me for a reading about their love life.  They all want to know: "When will I find love?"  "When will I get married?"  Very few women, especially single women in their 30s and, sometimes older or younger, come to me wanting guidance about their career.  Those who do are usually married or very much in a happy and settled relationship.  Love really isn't the "Simple Dream" my old friend labelled it as.  So, why is it that so many of us professional women, intelligent and beautiful women find ourselves achieving great things in the boardroom but not doing so well in our love lives?  

Well, it could be down to the way that the role of women has evolved over the years. Yes, these changes have brought with it great things such as greater equality in the workplace, more opportunities for women to climb the ladder and be on equal pay with men.  However, it has also given us more to aim for and, in some cases, changed our attitude and focus.  Let's take the Spice Girl era, those of you who are of similar age to me will remember the Spice Girls and their Girl Power message.  That idea and attitude that we can do anything the men can do and do it better.  This later evolved into the "Independent Woman" era, made popular by Destiny's Child.  All of these have had a huge influence on the female population, leading us to focus more achieving our goals and being successful.  Whereas, in my mum and nan's day there wasn't such a focus on success, power, money, high heels and status.  Instead meeting a life partner, settling down and having children was, probably their biggest goal.  

It could also be said that this change in the status and attitude in women over the years has also affected our relationships with men.  Many years ago many women were more likely to see their role as the homemaker and the male role as that of the breadwinner.  In this sense men and women had very fixed roles; they knew their place.  There was, in that sense, no confusion.  However, these days things are very different, with an increasing number of women earning more than their actual or prospective partners.  Also women's attitudes have changed too with more women knowing their worth and asserting themselves much more than women from my mum and nan's error.  This is no bad thing but it seems to me that women's attitudes and how they view themselves have changed.  However, men's attitudes about they view themselves has not changed.  Many still see themselves as the provider and protector which, can cause confusion when dealing with strong. professional women.  After all, as women we can do that all by ourselves. We no longer need a man to fulfill this role, with many not even wanting a man to fulfill this role.  It is here that we get this situation where this "Simple Dream" becomes so hard for us beautiful and professional women to attain. Why?  Because we have all been pursuing this Independent Woman dream: successful career, an Audi TT that we have bought ourselves and the rest.   In achieving all of this we have adopted a single-minded "I can do it all by myself" attitude.  An attitude that, really lets be honest, just doesn't cut it in a relationship.  

What I have come to realise is that actually there is nothing wrong with having a man looking after me and protecting me.  Furthermore, in order to find love I am going to have to put much higher up on my agenda and drop this single-minded attitude which, has worked in the boardroom but not in relationships.  Men want to feel like the protector and I am more than happy to allow my man to assume this role.  It doesn't mean that I have to be weak or submissive.  It just means that I am allowing him to play out his natural role as a man.    It is this that my old friend with the "Simple Dream" maintained all along.  Whilst we were all being Independent Women using our Girl Power to pursue our career goals, we were all missing out on love.  Now, what should have been a "Simple Dream", has now become one of the hardest dreams to achieve.  


"A career is wonderful, but you can't curl up with it on a cold night." - Marilyn Monroe